Hand Over That Voodoo Doll!

I woke up this morning with my 6 day old migraine wanting to come out and play. So, I took 2 Midrin before it could get a good hold on me and settled down in the recliner with my wiener dog to catch up on a few TV shows.

I heard a loud noise in the hallway that sounded like it came from the AC unit, but I didn’t think too much of it. My mistake!

A few hours later, I realize the house was too warm. I put my foot over a vent. Nothing was coming out and I could hear the unit running. Not good. Our weather forecast predicted a heat index of over 100 degrees today, and I have severe heat intolerance.

I opened the AC unit to see if it’s frozen up because that happens on really humid days sometimes. Yes, it was frozen. I turned off the thermostat BUT the unit didn’t go off. Oh crap. So, I threw the breaker and called the repairman.

I spent ALL day without air conditioning. It got repaired at 5:30. I’m thankful it’s fixed, but I was contemplating getting in a tub of cold water to stay alive. If not for the fainting risk while being alone, that’s what I would’ve done. (Because of course this drama had to happen while my husband was working!)

Also, in the middle of the day while I was trying to survive the heat and humidity, I was stung by a blue wasp on the upper left arm. I’ve never been stung by a blue wasp before! The red ones? Yes. Blue? Nope. Apparently, they eat Japanese beetles and only the females sting. I got a huge whelp, and my arm went numb for awhile, so I took two Benedryls. Thanks a lot, you jerk. I was just minding my business in my own bedroom.

The final episode of “What Else Could Possibly Go Wrong Today” happened when I was nibbling on a few Fritos Honey BBQ Twists. My blood pressure was low. I needed some salt. I was downing Liquid IV and snacking on a few chips.

A Frito went down my windpipe!

I’ve taken CPR. I know it’s a good sign when the person can cough. I couldn’t cough. I couldn’t breathe. The Frito was choking me.

I was choking on a Frito. I bent over onto my hands and knees. My wiener dog was in my face licking my cheek.

Instead of begging God for help, all I could think in those few seconds while struggling to breathe was, “Are you REALLY gonna take me out this way Lord?!”

I mean come on! I’ve got how many diseases?! And I’m gonna die by Frito?!

I managed to dislodge the chip and other than having a raw spot back in my throat, I’m fine.

After the Frito incident, I texted my daughter and told her I was just waiting for a rattlesnake to slither up onto the bed and bite me next.

May tomorrow be better! The bar is pretty dang low.

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