Yesterday began with my usual blood pressure check to see if I could manage my weekly outing or if I needed to postpone it until Sunday.
Since my bp was in the 90’s over 60’s, I put on my Juzo stockings, my husband helped put my abdominal binder on extra tight, we packed Liquid IV, Banana Bag, he loaded up both my power wheelchair and my cane, my medications, and took off for the 30 minute trip into town.
Going ANYWHERE with chronic illness feels like packing for a weekend mini vacation. Each time I get settled into our truck, I feel like I NEED a vacation.
If I’m able to get out of the house for my weekly outings, I cheat on my gastroparesis diet knowing the food will hurt my stomach. I love Mexican food! Life is painful enough without never eating my favorite food again in my life. My stomach hurts regardless of what I eat. So, if possible, once a week I eat Mexican food.
We were almost to the Mexican restaurant when my husband changed lanes and almost ran into a Tahoe! It was in his blind spot. My Autonomic Nervous System does NOT work correctly. My heart jumped into my throat. My legs went numb. I barely managed to recline the seat and prevent myself from passing out. I threw my legs upon the dashboard. Our day hadn’t even started, and my illnesses were messing it up. Frustration, guilt, and anxiety reared their ugly heads. The guilt worsened when my husband asked if I needed to just go back home.
Fighting back the anxiety and shaking, I assured him I was okay. We ate at our favorite restaurant then went to the theater where we missed the first five minutes of Avengers: Infinity War because I was in the bathroom sick as a dog. Gastroparesis is one miserable disease. I found out later what happens in the first five minutes.
Which brings me to the movie…I’m on enough social media accounts to know I needed tissues in my purse. I came prepared because I’m a Marvel fan. Wolverine is my all time favorite character with Loki coming in second. I actually didn’t need a tissue yesterday during the movie. I watched the entire movie letting out little gasps of pain here and there. I gripped my husband’s hand so hard at times I’m sure he wanted to yank away from me, but I didn’t cry. When the movie came to an end, I looked at my husband in complete and utter shock. “Did that really just happen?” Yes, I did ask him that question in a crowded theater still waiting for Marvel’s famous “After the Credits” scene. I could hear sniffles in front of us and behind us.
“Yes. It happened,” my husband replied.
After we got home, I was in so much pain that I went straight to bed but couldn’t sleep. He was in the living room. We started texting each other about the movie. We spent over an hour discussing the comics, the movie, the characters, the writers, and what might/might not happen in the next movie. It was in THOSE moments, I needed a tissue.